Is it FEAR of ANXIETY?

I have been asked by some people on my Instagram (@shift_the_mind) to share more about my personal life challenges. I fully understand the request as we, humans, can connect through our vulnerabilities in a very authentic way and there is also a magic of seeing how someone else navigates/copes with difficulties in life that we all face. It can be very inspirational and motivational at the same time. It can remind us that if you can do it – I can do it too and vice versa. While I try to keep my life as private as possible at this stage with the knowing that one day, I will share my full story that brought me to the psychological area, today I decided to share something more personal with the one and only intention: to help you in your own journey of navigating “fears”.

Before I start with my personal story, I want to underline the difference between “fear” and “anxiety”.

Fear: I, personally, consider fears as part of our human journey (unlike some people in the psychological area). There are fears that are related to our primary instincts for survival and they are the reason for our existence as species on this planet. Imagine our ancestors living in caves and making everything possible to survive the attack of wild animals, it was the fear keeping them “alive”, as the fear allowed the activation of all protective mechanisms when needed. Even nowadays…imagine that a wild animal runs towards you unexpectedly – of course, your primary instinct will be to run; imagine that you find a stranger in your living room during the night with a knife in the hand – of course, you will be scared; imagine that you see your kitchen in flames (for whatever reason) – of course, you will get scared. Fears are “normal” part of our human journey, while anxiety is simply a trauma response in most of the cases.

Anxiety: Anxiety is a feeling of unease that is connected with potential future threat. Anxiety has nothing to do with the present moment. If you get anxious and you somehow succeed to get back into the present moment, you will realise that there is nothing to fear about.

✨How can we distinguish “fear” from “anxiety?✨

I will give you very simple indicator to help you evaluate if you are experiencing “fear” or “anxiety”. Fear is happening right now, while when it comes to anxiety you can ask yourself: “Can I wait?”, “Can I wait ten seconds?” If you can wait some seconds, then it is anxiety and not fear. Dr. Russel Kennedy explains more about that in one of the Episodes of my podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDRT54VSV78

Let me now go back to my experience. I have coped with a lot of fears during my life so far that were simply anxiety in disguise, however there is one fear that is still kind of present and also very “unusual” which means that I do not have a lot of opportunities during my daily life to “face” it, so to speak. Neither I can create circumstances intentionally to face it, as I know that facing the fear is the way to cope with it. Facing the fear is the way to get rid of your anxiety. However, the exposure shall be done precisely step by step, especially if we are talking about some deep fears.

In the beginning of this year I boldly claimed that I will be my best version possible and for me it means first and for most: being at peace and satisfaction with my life as much as possible and no matter of the circumstances around. So, imagine  what happened: here we go, Universe is never late to give us what we want, but before that we need to learn. The so “unusual” circumstances that I am talking about, and I needed in order to face my deepest fear showed up. When I acknowledged this fact, I was immediately in kind of a “panic”, but at the same time there was part of myself saying: “Here we go, I was waiting for it.” Imagine, guys, one part of myself was in panic which means in anxiety because of the potential facing of the deepest fear that I have, and another part was watching the situation and thanking Universe for bringing that to me, because I knew that I needed the next level of peace.

For some days I was not at ease at all. Although anxiety is not part of my journey nowadays, it has been practised for many years in the past, so the neural pathways are still there and they could be activated, especially in moments like that. I had two choices to walk on the newly formed neutral pathways, that say that whatever comes, I will handle it and allow all of it simply to be or to go back into the familiar. It was challenging, as I have said: it was very new and unexpected situation for me.

I decided that I will not force myself to feel a certain way, I will not mediate … I will just allow myself to be in the “dark” for as long as it is needed and see what happens. Huge disclaimer here: I would advise for looking for help if you are in such situation and you feel that you are not capable of copying with it by yourself. I just know that at this point of my life, I have all the resources within myself to cope with what is arising, but I do not think everyone is ready for that. I was not ready for that before a couple of years. You have to decide for yourself.

Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was anxious. I like to drink my morning coffee and do some work in one of my two favourite cafes close to my apartment in Munich. I remember one of the days being there and literally trying my best to keep my tears not falling down. (which reminded me, by the way, how highly wired we are not to show any weakness in front of other people) while we all have our moments. So, I was trying to keep myself fine, fine is even too much of a positive word. I was trying to keep myself just ok, knowing that I have to feel all of it and not running.

Running is the biggest deception that we put ourselves into. We are always running from our feelings which perpetuate the suffering.

Imagine what happened, guys. I was in this state for a couple of days and it simply passed away by itself and I felt a new level of liberation. I felt like: wow, I can handle even the biggest fear in my life. I know I have everything within myself to pass through everything that life is throwing to me, showing to my psyche that it is safe, anyway.

If you are in a similar situation – please, please, evaluate your resources and reach for help if needed. I am glad to support you if you need me.https://diyanatherapy.com/work-with-me/ As I have said – I looked for help many times before indulging myself into this work and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

🌟Whatever way you choose. You are safe. You are safe to feel. You are safe to be. Universe has our backs.🌟

With ❤️, Diyana

 

With love,